Column

FADE IN:

INTERIOR – RONNIE’S OFFICE – 6 A.M.

RONNIE RAY (post-modern hippie, disheveled) is slouched at his desk, finishing the NY Times crossword puzzle and knocking back his second powerful coffee of the day (“I buy the gourmet, expensive stuff, ‘cause when I drink it, I wanna taste it.”)

He suddenly straightens up and tosses the Times aside.

RONNIE: (muttering morosely) I need to get serious.

CUT TO: EXTERIOR – THE METROPOLITAN ROOM – NIGHT

Outside a Flatiron District jazz-club, Ronnie chats with JEAN-CLAUDE (French, cheerful), the venue’s sound engineer. Ronnie smokes a cigarette.

RONNIE: I need a website.

JEAN-CLAUDE: But of course, my friend. I can build you a website – not a problem.

RONNIE: How much will it cost?

JEAN-CLAUDE: The website is for free – I only ask that you commit to my server for a year or two. One hundred dollars a year.

RONNIE: Perfect! Do you use Drupal?

JEAN-CLAUDE: Wordpress.

RONNIE: (sagging in disappointment) No! It has to be Drupal. I’m the copy-editor for Drupal Watchdog. It would be weird – disloyal – to use some other software.

JEAN-CLAUDE: (with a shrug) Sorry.

Ronnie lurches off into the night, engulfed in disappointment.

Suddenly he stops and stands stock still – Eureka!

INTERIOR – RONNIE’S OFFICE – DAY

Ronnie paces excitedly while talking on the phone to his PUBLISHER.

RONNIE: Okay, so I’ve been copy-editing Drupal Watchdog for, what, two years?

PUBLISHER: Five issues, yes.

RONNIE: And I still don’t know a module from a cache, MySQL from Behat from –

PUBLISHER: – And that’s fine. All I ever expected was for you to put it into good English, which is what you do.